Life’s Pleasant Surprises

I thought I was prepared. I was confident I was. I felt it would be for a while and then just fizzle out. Everything would be normal and life would go on as usual.

How dead wrong I was!  I never knew I would be flooded with so much confused emotions! I took my feelings and thoughts for granted. I felt incomplete, lonesome and somewhat empty!

Well, these feelings are similar to- When you are transferred to another location after establishing a good relationship with colleagues and the environment. When your spouse is leaving for a course, training or job abroad. When your child is leaving for school abroad. Even when your spouse is transferred (locally or abroad) just after marriage.

Do you now understand these feelings…of anxiety, excitement and sadness all mixed? You are honestly happy because the separation is mostly for a good reason however, you just can’t still let go of those strong feelings inside…

These are life’s pleasant surprises!  They are pleasant because the separation is for a good cause (something progressive or positive). Sometimes, what we have been praying and wishing for.

But, no one actually knows how to deal with the surprises. They become surprises because, they never crossed your mind that you should give them (feelings) any thought, well not-so-serious-thoughts until the last minute and then your emotions hit you like a tornado!

On the other hand, you may be confident that you are prepared for this separation only to surprisingly start feeling those floods of emotions  when the time actually draws closer, like my situation. I was shocked and surprised with myself-my feelings!

You may or never be prepared for these surprises but you can sure do find solutions to manage those floods of confused thoughts when they hit you, until things get back to normal.. Having been there, when my daughter had to go to school across the globe, this was how I survived!

• I made myself to understand it was for a good cause. It is a positive development. It was what I have hoped and prayed for.  In your case, you may not have asked for it but if it happens, isn’t it a pleasant surprise- to have something good coming your way even when you are not prepared? Do you wish away such things?

• Keep in touch the best way you know. I was in constant touch through various means- calls, e-mails and social networks. I did not actually feel better at the beginning. In fact, it felt worse!  However, the more I kept in touch overtime, the better I felt. You would eventually feel the same way too.

• A lot of things reminded me of her absence. Things normally she would do for me. It was difficult. I consciously made effort to replace those things done by her with the younger brother. However, in case of a spouse, you can get help from relatives. You can also step into those shoes and start doing those things yourself, slowly, just taking your time to get used to it. You can equally get help from kind people in your life who understands the situation. They would be willing to help when you ask them.

• Visit and spend time together when you can. This I did, just to make sure she is fine and coping with the new environment. This is very important as both of you have the opportunity to compare notes and update yourselves on what you have done and achieved independently! It’s kind of a boost to your ego to know that you have done things ordinarily you wouldn't if your spouse is around. You grow and learn through this.The visits also make you appreciate each other better and be grateful for what you have.

• Learn to encourage each other when the other is down. Really take time to LISTEN and advice when needed.Try to understand the challenges your child or spouse is going through and be there as much as you can to lend a listening ear if you can’t lend a crying shoulder!  The same way it would be reciprocated when you feel down in the case of a spouse.

•  I am a strong believer of prayers, no matter the situation, just keep talking to God about it, He would answer. Pray and pray without ceasing. The separation is for a purpose remember, and your prayers should be focused on achieving that goal. Pray for safety, good health. Pray and keep hope alive. 

• Time, the healer of all things would help you cope and adjust completely. Those feelings of anxiety, loneliness would be replaced with a kind of peace and confidence in yourself.

I hope this helps. I would love to hear how you survived through a separation from a loved one.

Thanks.

"Cast all your anxiety on HIM because HE cares for you"- 1Peter.5:7

"Good byes will always hurt, memories good or bad will bring tears and words can never replace feelings"- Unknown

Linda Aliogo

You, Your Actions and Your Wife

They say, “Action speaks louder than voice” and it is true. Your actions can generate and cause a lot of positive and negative things just like your words. Your action as a husband can be encouraging, loving, caring and supportive. It can also be discouraging, wicked, painful and abusive.

When your action as a husband becomes abusive, then there is a problem!

Why would you act in such a way?

Why would you beat up your wife?

Why would you be impatient, irrational, and angry for any and every mistake your wife makes?

Why would you turn your home to a fighting arena?

Does your a wife action or behaviour warrant such abuse?

Do you think by beating her, she would listen to you and change?

Have you examined yourself to know why she acts the way she does?

Too many questions, right?  But, you need to think and ask many questions to understand why you fight?

I just want to know if there is any marriage where beating has changed a wife positively. Are there any testimonies?  Is there any husband who has publicly acknowledged beating up his wife and was celebrated?  If there is, then I would like to know the details.

Listen husbands, getting your wife to listen and be submissive to you is not achieved through this means. Just because you are physically stronger doesn’t give you the right to turn her to your punching bag. We have heard and seen ugly situations regarding this action.

Come on husbands! There are better ways to handle issues. If she is stubborn and doesn’t listen to you, then you need to know how to handle the situation. So, what do you do?

“How can I get her to listen without beating her?” you may ask.

I would say “Go back to genesis”. Go back to the beginning of your relationship, before you decided to tie the knots. How were you resolving and managing your differences? What was the strategy being used? I believe that strategy can still be used now you are married.

You must talk, talk, talk and talk. Communication is key. Instead of using your fists, go out of the scene to cool off. This would give both of you time to evaluate the issue on ground.

Both of you must want the marriage to work, because if you do, then you must agree to find solution to your disagreements. A lot of sacrifices and compromise come from the wife. You, as the husband must sacrifice and compromise too!  Marriage is all about giving in other to receive. You should be considerate and learn to ‘feel’, be sensitive, listen when she pours her heart to you. LISTEN.

Take time to take her out with the children- enjoy family time, appreciate and complement her appearance and efforts. Love her and show her respect. If you try to do all or even some of these tips, you won’t need to use your fists again!  She would listen and be submissive.

Remember, your wife is not your slave, she is your partner, she is part of you and you should treat her with kindness and tenderness.

“She is troublesome, she would not appreciate all these” you may say.

Then I want to ask why  did you chose to marry her. As adults, we are responsible for our decisions. Well, those reasons are not so important right now. What is important is how to keep your fists off her!   How to get the best out of the marriage. 

I just want to encourage you to be hopeful and try out the tips mentioned above and see what happens. Pray always about your marriage and God would restore it. I would love to  hear how you manage your disagreements.

More tips, I would say.

Tell someone about this blog, thanks.

"You husbands must be careful of your wives, being thoughtful of their needs and honoring them as the weaker sex. Remember that you and your wife are partners in receiving God's blessings, and if you don't treat her as you should, your prayers will not get ready answers."  1st Peter 3:7.

"A successful and lasting marriage will always be a triangle. It will involve a woman, a man and God"- Daniel Akin

Linda Aliogo

Hair Care for Girls

Having girls is fun. This is due to the fact that we get to take care and decorate their hair with different exciting and beautiful accessories. This makes them look so cute and beautiful. As a mother of girls, I have been on this journey for so many years and I have come to discover what works for me and what doesn't.

I am going to share these tips with you based on my experience. They are categorized as follows:

 Baby

Your baby girl’s hair need to be shampooed regularly. Personally, I wash my baby girl hair twice weekly with tear-free baby shampoo. Use only baby shampoo as this does not irritate her eyes. After shampoo, baby oil is used to keep her hair moist and shiny hence help to prevent any dry scalp.

For accessorizing and decoration, the hair do not need much here. A simple baby hair band (elastic) with a decoration is all you need at this stage. Do make sure it is not tight as this would cause pain and discomfort on your baby.

Simple plaits with colourful elastic bands can be used as from two and half months.  At this stage, there is enough hair and she is older. The scalp is also stronger to hold the pressure. Do be gentle; pick simple styles that look nice. You can then decorate with other accessories as desired. Personally, I love it simple and fun.

Toddler

The hair is now coarse and looks natural, having shed the baby curls.  At this stage, it is strong and thick, making it difficult to comb. If your girl has a lot of hair like mine, this is the time they get to hear their cries and screams because of the tangling nature (when combing). This is what I do.

Shampoo regularly with tear-less shampoo and condition accordingly (another reason to cry or scream) weekly or every two weeks. Apply your hair softener and moisturizer to make it easy to comb. Pure natural shea butter is excellent. That is what I use. Comb through and style as desired.

Do remember to moisturize the scalp days after styling. We tend to overlook this immediately we finish with styling. Apply moisturizer again when you notice the scalp is dry to avoid itching and dand-ruff.

Child

As from 6 years, your girl should be able to relax her hair ONLY if the hair is too coarse, very thick that she cannot stand the pain of combing. If not, wait till she is about 10 years. If the hair is not very thick, refrain from this and push as far back as possible.

Being the first time to relax, you may not be able to rule out completely a little scalp irritation when applying the hair relaxer. However, you can apply a lot of protective cream on the scalp. I use shea butter. Apply the relaxer as quickly as possible. Children do not wait or rather bear the pains and irritations that come with relaxing hair. 

If the scalp is not irritated, it can be plaited or styled as desired that same day. However, if it is, allow the scalp to calm down. Give a few days and moisturize accordingly until the scalp is healed.

Another tip here, always use wide-toothed comb as this helps to comb through the hair without much tangle. For the baby and toddler, style their hair when they are asleep.

I hope this helps, let me know.

Thanks

“But if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her for a covering”-1st Cor. 11:15

“The hair is the richest ornament of women”- Martin Luther

Linda Aliogo

You, Your Words and Your Children

I wrote about you, your words and your husband, now I want to talk about the aspect of children.

Children are blessings from God. They complete every home and give us the opportunity to be parents. As parents, we are responsible for their upkeep in every area, be it physical, emotional and spiritual. This is why our role as parents is very important. Our children look up to us in every aspect because we are their first teachers. We nurture them and take care of their needs. We set examples and they try follow and copy our ways and our actions and words.

Words are powerful and dangerous depending on how they are used! As parents, (especially mothers), we play significant roles in our children’s lives. And our words are strong influence on them.

The way and manner we use words in the presence of our children affect their thoughts, actions and behaviour! If we speak gentle and kind words to our husbands, neighbours, friends and colleagues, our children know because they observe us. This would rub off on their own relationship with their peers and friends in school and other places.

As parents, we need to speak positive words as this in turn could have effect on our children remember; the world was created by words!

Cursing, swearing and insulting our children when they are act wrongly should be discouraged. How can you place a curse on your own children? You may say, you do not mean those words but you pronounced them with your mouth and they can come to be- have effect on them because there is power in the tongue- your tongue!  You have heard stories where parents or people placed curses on their children and it actually affected their being.

This attitude should be stopped no matter the provocation!  There is no justification for placing a curse on your own offsprings! So why are you training them to be better and progressive people?   If eventually, you would destroy them with your words- Is it not contradictory to your effort in making them better persons? Please stop it today!

The use of foul and swearing words shouldn’t be tolerated and this begins with you- parents (especially mothers). Learning to speak respectfully to your husband, their father goes a long way to building these children’s character and language used both at home and outside.

Children learn from what they observe. If you are in constant fight and quarrel as couples, what weapons are you using to fight? Of course, the main weapon are words because it starts with them and more often than not, this helps to introduce other tangible weapons l(belts, canes, pestle etc). Even more dangerous weapons like knife, cutlass or even gun!

Meanwhile, your children are watching and listening! By the time the drama is over, can you take back the words spoken and heard by these children? Your answer is as good as mine.

These children would consciously or unconsciously use these words at one time or the other. Then what happens?   You scold and beat them for using such words! Remember, you thought them.

We should learn to focus on building and not destroying them with our words. Mind you, the discussion you have with your friends or colleagues or even neighbours where you run down other people, and only speak negative of others in the presence of your children would teach them exactly the same thing. They would follow suit. They would gossip!

As you know people who gossip do not have anything to offer but jealousy and negativity. The world is already filled with that, so why increase the number?

Show positive examples and mind your words, your language when you speak in their presence. We should encourage our children to speak their minds and not other people’s mind. They should be bold and not bullies. They should be respectful and not rude. They should be innovators and not gossips.

Choose your words wisely and show your husband and children that you are capable of building a strong home with your words and not a weak home with gossip and curses.

Love to hear from you and please tell someone about this blog.

Thanks.

"When words are many, sin is absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise"-  Prov. 29:30

"No man means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous- Henry Brooks Adams

Linda Aliogo

Grooming For Our Men

Most men are not cut out to care about their looks. It does not cross their minds to be something important, necessary or worth putting any effort. Left to them, a good bath is all they require to be ready for the day. Things like cosmetics, manicure, pedicure, massage and facials (facials? Yes, facials) are believed to be for women.

Well, they are wrong.  As  a wife and mother, you need to have well groomed husband and sons. This is important because, it reflects on how they look- the general appearance and even on their health!

You should encourage your man to take care of himself however, if it becomes a problem for him, then you should step in…This is how

Encourage and remind your man of regular haircuts (especially our boys). This could be weekly, bi-monthly or monthly depending on taste. The haircuts should suit their facial structures and purpose to enhance their looks. As we know, looks do matter in the world of today!

A monthly facials, manicure, pedicure and massage must be a rule for our men! In this stressful society, there is the need to clean up the pores from impurities to avoid break outs (pimples) and early wrinkles. Only facials can guarantee this result. This keeps the clean looking fresher and younger than expected. This can be done in the spa or in the comfort of your home! For home treatment, there are simple steps that would make a great difference in their appearance.

Of course ladies, we all know what manicure and pedicure are, right?

This keeps him looking clean (the nails, properly trimmed, the feet, soft and odourless). This can also be achieved in the comfort of your homes or at the spa, if you have got some extra cash to burn.

For the massage, oh my!   If your husband works as hard as mine, then he deserves this. This is a must! I hope you do know the benefits. This is not a luxury, if you can afford it. Let me tell you some of the benefits- complete relaxation, improved blood circulation, healthier and brighter skin. I tell you it outweighs the cost! This helps to manage stress a lot! Trust me!  It is very important, your man have massages regularly- monthly is fine or maybe once every two months is equally good.

Having discussed the needs, you may be wondering how to get him to keep the appointment at the spa since he is busy and not really very interested. Well, this is what you do.

Know his schedule about a month before the appointment. Tell him about the benefits and let him know you are going to book an appointment for him. Remind him at least a week to the appointment, so that he can get to adjust his schedule if he needs to.

If you can, get a home service treatment. That way, you don’t need to go to the spa rather, a beauty/masseur therapist is sent to the house. Mind you, this would cost a lot more than going to the spa.

The last option is for you to do it yourself. Just I have said earlier, there are simple steps to take that would make a huge difference in their (husband and sons) grooming. You can also apply these suggestions in taken care of yourself if you are not already doing that.

Grooming is essential; it goes a long way to boosting our confidence.

Let me know your results.

If you interested in the simple steps I mentioned or you are struggling with foot odour, dry tough scaly feet, shaving and barbing bumps, email me.

“You are your greatest asset. Put your time, effort and money into training, grooming and encouraging your greatest asset”- Tom Hopkins

                              

                                                         Linda Aliogo