Saturday 15 October 2011

9 Things You Must Know Before Marriage

You have met the love of your life and the wedding bells are just around the corner. You are excited and busy making arrangement for your wedding. Friends and family are around to give a helping hand.

The date is already fixed, the gown is ready and you are ready counting down to the D-day. But wait a moment! Have you really researched on MARRIAGE? Have you asked questions and did you really get genuine answers? Do you have role models in the marriage institution? Why did you choose them as role models and what have you learnt from them? What is your dream about marriage and how do you plan to achieve them?

So before taking that plunge, there are certain things you must know, that is if you have not yet researched. Marriage is the union of a man and a woman to become husband and wife. Marriage is a union most parents if not all look forward to for their children. It is the wish of every parent to see their children happily married. If you are not well informed as you think necessary then I suggest you read through.

Marriage Is An Institution
You must have heard this on so many occasions, but what does it really mean? It is a relationship bounded by law. This makes it established and recognized as expected; the persons involved can now exercise their rights as stipulated.

In marriage, vows are exchanged, and you are expected to live with them and not the way you like. It’s not a convenient relationship where you remain when the going is “good” and quit when it gets “tough”. It is a relationship that is expected to last through out life with your partner. Whether it is rosy or rough, you are meant to really stick to each other.

Love Is Not Enough
Having married for 16 years now, I think I can share some of my experiences. Love is a sure foundation in marriage. This would take you through so many hurdles and challenges however, love is not enough. As you grow older in marriage, you keep discovering new things about yourself and partner and learn to adjust with these changes. You must be willing to adjust, expand, accommodate and forgive if you truly really love your partner.

You Must Want To Keep Your Home
If you have committed to be life partners then, you must seriously be ready to work and keep working  and keep working, working and working to keep it. You actually never stop. It is a huge task. If you really want it, you would go out all the way to keep it. You must want it.

No Revenge Rather Speak Out
Rather than fight or plan revenge against your partner, be prepared to talk, communicate, speak out. Talk and keep talking… mind you, I did not say nag (please it would not take you anywhere trust me!). Keep the communication link open. Invest the energy for revenge to positive changes. I mean invest in making yourself better and how to tackle the issue on ground to get better result. If you want to remain married, revenge should be at the bottom of your list.

Making A Family
The children can come immediately or later either way, this would affect the marriage. The effect could be positive or negative depending on how it is handled. Having children early would affect your time, plans, career, your relationship with your husband, body, finances…These are some of the challenges.

On the brighter side, having children early in your marriage is a thing of joy. Children are blessings from God. Most marriages today are still praying for children to complete their joy.

Waiting For The Fruit Of The Womb
Having children late or still hoping could be a very difficult time in the relationship. There would be extended family involvement, mockery, a lot of pains, strained relationships, huge expenditure involving hospital visits and trips within and outside the country, disappointments…If you do find yourself in any of this predicament, be patient with yourself and each other. Hold on and you would overcome. You would survive and succeed.

You have to be considerate here. You must be willing to respond to each other needs. Your body belongs to your partner so also your partner’s body belongs to you. Do not starve your partner of sex just because you had disagreement or quarreled. It’s difficult, I know that but just do your best especially after reconciliation. Do not use sex as a weapon for revenge. It may work for a while but would eventually boomerang on you. Learn to satisfy each other and be considerate. If you with hold sex from your partner (especially women), he may have no choice but to look outside. I don’t think that is what you really want or what you want to achieve from your revenge. Tell each other what you like and teach if you have to. Be patient too.

 Keep your sex life active. In the early years of marriage, this is natural as you cannot get enough of each other. However, with the children coming, increasing financial pressure, body changes, things may gradually slow down, become boring or eventually stop! This when you have to work on yourselves and consciously plan to revive it. How? That would be another topic entirely.

How do you sustain your lifestyle? Would both of you work or one? The questions are numerous but you really need to sought out all of them one after the other. This is because you must have a viable source of income or at least a strong potential.  Your financial status would determine to some extent your ambition and goals as individuals and as a family. You should be able to discuss and plan about your future when the children come, building your home, setting up a business etc. You must plan; set a target and work together to achieve your goals. As a popular saying goes “Failing to plan is planning to fail”

Hold On To Your Faith
When challenges do come, this would keep you going… your faith in God. Pray, pray and pray and still pray. Just keep doing that.

“Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them." - Colossians 3:19, NIV

"In marriage, each partner is to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer"-H. Norman Wright and Gary J. Oliver.

Linda Aliogo


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