Thursday 24 May 2012

Life’s Pleasant Surprises

I thought I was prepared. I was confident I was. I felt it would be for a while and then just fizzle out. Everything would be normal and life would go on as usual.

How dead wrong I was!  I never knew I would be flooded with so much confused emotions! I took my feelings and thoughts for granted. I felt incomplete, lonesome and somewhat empty!

Well, these feelings are similar to- When you are transferred to another location after establishing a good relationship with colleagues and the environment. When your spouse is leaving for a course, training or job abroad. When your child is leaving for school abroad. Even when your spouse is transferred (locally or abroad) just after marriage.

Do you now understand these feelings…of anxiety, excitement and sadness all mixed? You are honestly happy because the separation is mostly for a good reason however, you just can’t still let go of those strong feelings inside…

These are life’s pleasant surprises!  They are pleasant because the separation is for a good cause (something progressive or positive). Sometimes, what we have been praying and wishing for.

But, no one actually knows how to deal with the surprises. They become surprises because, they never crossed your mind that you should give them (feelings) any thought, well not-so-serious-thoughts until the last minute and then your emotions hit you like a tornado!

On the other hand, you may be confident that you are prepared for this separation only to surprisingly start feeling those floods of emotions  when the time actually draws closer, like my situation. I was shocked and surprised with myself-my feelings!

You may or never be prepared for these surprises but you can sure do find solutions to manage those floods of confused thoughts when they hit you, until things get back to normal.. Having been there, when my daughter had to go to school across the globe, this was how I survived!

  • I made myself to understand it was for a good cause. It is a positive development. It was what I have hoped and prayed for.  In your case, you may not have asked for it but if it happens, isn’t it a pleasant surprise- to have something good coming your way even when you are not prepared? Do you wish away such things?

  • Keep in touch the best way you know. I was in constant touch through various means- calls, e-mails and social networks. I did not actually feel better at the beginning. In fact, it felt worse!  However, the more I kept in touch overtime, the better I felt. You would eventually feel the same way too.

  • A lot of things reminded me of her absence. Things normally she would do for me. It was difficult. I consciously made effort to replace those things done by her with the younger brother. However, in case of a spouse, you can get help from relatives. You can also step into those shoes and start doing those things yourself, slowly, just taking your time to get used to it. You can equally get help from kind people in your life who understands the situation. They would be willing to help when you ask them.

  • Visit and spend time together when you can. This I did, just to make sure she is fine and coping with the new environment. This is very important as both of you have the opportunity to compare notes and update yourselves on what you have done and achieved independently! It’s kind of a boost to your ego to know that you have done things ordinarily you wouldn't if your spouse is around. You grow and learn through this.The visits also make you appreciate each other better and be grateful for what you have.

  • Learn to encourage each other when the other is down. Really take time to LISTEN and advice when needed.Try to understand the challenges your child or spouse is going through and be there as much as you can to lend a listening ear if you can’t lend a crying shoulder!  The same way it would be reciprocated when you feel down in the case of a spouse.

  •  I am a strong believer of prayers, no matter the situation, just keep talking to God about it, He would answer. Pray and pray without ceasing. The separation is for a purpose remember, and your prayers should be focused on achieving that goal. Pray for safety, good health. Pray and keep hope alive. 

  • Time, the healer of all things would help you cope and adjust completely. Those feelings of anxiety, loneliness would be replaced with a kind of peace and confidence in yourself.

I hope this helps. I would love to hear how you survived through a separation from a loved one.


"Cast all your anxiety on HIM because HE cares for you"- 1Peter.5:7

"Good byes will always hurt, memories good or bad will bring tears and words can never replace feelings"- Unknown

Linda Aliogo

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