Monday 23 April 2012

Wives: Loneliness vs Friendship in Marriage

We have been hearing about this in social and marriage events. We have also agreed and acknowledged it as being true and also render that same advice to would-be-wives.

Well you may wonder what I am talking about.

I am talking about friends and having friends after marriage. I am talking about loneliness and isolation in marriage.

We all have heard about this - “Now you are a married woman, just mind your home, take it easy on friends”

We listen to this advice and do reduce our social activities and cut down the number of friends we actually have. We may even go further to cut them off completely believing now we are married, we no longer have anything in common especially with the unmarried ones.
For the few ones we may likely keep, we may not be as open as we used to be. We keep our problems to ourselves simply because of the fear of telling it to the “wrong ears”.

Here, we no longer have close friends but just acquaintances.

What am I driving at?

This is it. Do you realize there are a lot of lonely, isolated wives out there yearning for somebody they can talk to honestly and openly without having the fear of being misinterpreted, misunderstood or betrayed?

There are a lot of wives that have been tagged to be ‘proud’ but they are only trying to keep to themselves because of the ‘advice’ given to them. They are called ‘snobs’ because they do not really have friends! Friends that are true; they can socialize and talk honestly with.

I know you may say “ the world has changed, you can’t trust anyone but yourself” 

“The world has become evil and the heart of man is wicked”

Yes, I totally agree with you. But do these reasons help to solve the problems of isolation and loneliness in marriage encountered by wives?  You may argue that once you have kids, you would be busy hence  you won’t have time for friends.

But do you know that is not true! The truth is when you eventually have kids (or no kids) , you must have challenges, when you have challenges, you seek for help!

And who do you look up to? Your answer is most likely  to be God, family and… did I hear you say friends?

Our husbands can be our friends but they cannot be our only friends. They cannot fill that void a friend would. We still need our female companionship. There may be some people we admire and like to be friends with but the question is

Are they ready to be friends with you?  Do they have the same ‘advice’ (ringing alarm at the back of their heads) as you?

What is my point, my message?

Well, this is it again. There are a lot of wives out there who are going through a lot of emotional issues but nobody knows! Nobody knows because there is no one to talk to!  There may be deeper issues these wives are suffering alone and there is no one to share them with.

I am drawing attention to this because we wives don’t even talk about it! We pretend all is perfect and happy with us, which is not true!

However, if we can genuinely extend a hand of friendship to one of us ( a wife like you too!), be patient to grow and nurture such relationship, I think we would have touched a life in a positive way. We would be having a fulfilling friendship enriching each other’s lives through such friendship.

Also for wives who have been extended a friendship request, please access and then oblige as deem fit because you never succeed until you try!

We should also pray about it. To have a good marriage and be a true friend to a fellow wife like you. We don’t need so many friends but just a few who would support and touch our lives and marriage positively. Just as we pray for a good husband, let’s also pray for good friends and let’s be one.

Let’s support ourselves for once!

Let me know what you think. Also share this with wives out there.

“I will not leave you comfortless, I will come to you”- John 14:18

“It is easy to love the people far away. It is not always to love those close to us. It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of some one unloved…”- Mother Teresa of Calcutta

                                                           Linda Aliogo

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