Marriage: Fantasies Vs Facts

Hello Lovelies,

What have you been upto? Hope everything is going well?

So I was approached by a founder of a group in a university to give a talk on Marriage. I was pleasantly surprised because it means  I do have something tangible to share!  This led to this...

A discussion  about the oldest institution in the history of mankind -Marriage.

So, what exactly is the definition/meaning of Marriage?

Keeping it simple from the various definitions out there: The Spruce defines "marriage as a formal union and social and legal contract between two individuals that unites their lives legally, economically and
emotionally....Being married also gives legitimacy to sexual relations within the marriage".

Personally, Marriage is a union between persons willing to give all it takes  (individual/collective) regardless of what happens therein as long as it's not life threatening.

This sounds serious and not something you decide in a hurry. Growing up, I believe you all can relate to what I'm about to say, I read alot of romantic novels and equally watched many classic/romantic movies. Based on this I had a perfect picture of what relationships and in some cases what marriage was all about. It was easy, fun and desirable, no stress, tears or pain just living happily in the present and ever after.

I craved and had a picture image of how my future man will be. I built this image in my head and added all the qualities I desired. What a wonderful being I created and fantasized.

I know you all can relate to this. Let me tell you all there's nothing wrong with these fantasies only that they exist in the fairy tales, novels, movies and what not.
That is one of my fond memories of growing up. Fantasies are far from facts and realities of life which also include marriage. Fantasies exist in our imaginations and facts live with us. So what are the common areas of fantasies as against the facts in marriage.

1.
Fantasy: I'm beautiful, desirable and young therefore I can get any man. Handsome, caring and famous.

Fact: You are very beautiful desirable and young no doubt that is true. However, getting a man with all this qualities isn't always realistic. Don't get me I'm not saying it's impossible but I'm telling you that you don't get all the listed qualities you wish in him.  If you're gonna base your choice on these qualities then you are in for a long wait. Perhaps it may happen for you but what are the odds?

2.
Fantasy: I have to graduate, get a job before I ever get married.

Fact: It's a good idea but if you have a good man at hand, nothing stops you from settling down if he's ready. A lot of girls have missed good men because of this waiting to achieve criterion.

I'm a strong believer of having it all,  being married, continuing education as long as you're willing! Let it be its your wish and he's ready to grant you that. I did, I had my first 3 kids during my first degree at the university. It never stopped me from getting good grades or graduating.I also completed my Master's degree while still having children.

3.
Fantasy: Physical attributes are more important( his looks, charms, dressing, voice, height, weight etc) than inate qualities ( respect, wisdom, understanding, kindness, patience, spirituality,vision etc).

Fact: Don't get me wrong. Don't get carried away with praises and complements.  They are important and you see these things first and respond to them quicker than the inner qualities that you notice much later.
You can't live with only the physical qualities because over time they will fade and then you're left with inner qualities that live with you all through. Therefore, consider the inner qualities more than the physical qualities.

4.
Fantasy: I will always get my way because he loves me.

Fact: You will never always get your way. You can never win the arguments all the time even if you're right and he's wrong. Compromise is the bridge and wisdom.

5.
Fantasy: He promised not to hit me again but .....he will change

Fact: There're men who genuinely change and understand only weak people hit and beat women or their wives. But if he beats you over and over again during courtship, then he's not going to stop till you're maimed or dead.
A man that beats you over and over again has a form of mental/psychological problem so you can't change him simply because you're married. Afterall you are  not a Psychologist/ Psychiatrist. Don't be a victim of domestic violence/abuse.

6.
Fantasy: I can change him.

Fact: Be a good person and live the rest to God. You can't really change a man, but your attitude and character can influence him greatly. He will change if you give him reasons to not necessarily because you did... I hope that make sense!

7.
Fantasy: I can trap him with pregnancy

Fact: This is why most girls get disappointed or become baby mamas and single mothers.
You can't trap a man with pregnancy to marry you this days. If you even succeed, you're bound for alot of pains and heartaches. That's not a good foundation for marriage.

8.
Fantasy: I want my man fully made and ready to go.

Fact: The reality is that wealth is transient.Better you have a man with vision of greatness than a rich one  without vision as he will end up as a mere poor opportunist over time. A poor person with great vision will overtime become rich. However you may just well be lucky if you get a rich one  and also with great vision as there is  no limit to what a person can achieve.

There are many more... I can go on and on.. There's nothing like being realistic in your taste and search for Mr. Right.

Don't undermine the core values ( like your core courses in university) and qualities you desire. If these qualities are met to a high score, then compatibility will be attainable for a happy marriage.

So don't forget to seperate the fantasies from the facts when in a relationship.

It was a good interactive session. Questions were entertained and comments too.
Let me know your thoughts or questions below. Thank you and God bless!

Count Your Blessings!

Greetings to you. How has your week been?  WOW!  We are at the end of 2018.  I really wonder how this year flew by so fast. Like a roller coaster if you ask me

lol...

 I clearly remember my last Christmas and other things that happened like yesterday. I remember always telling my kids that 2018 was going way too fast and I just wished it could slow down. Well, time waits for nobody, hence the need to judiciously use it to the best of our ability. It's been a tough and interesting year but it's  had its highlights too. Very grateful to the Lord Almighty for being around and there for me.

How has your year been? Beautiful, great, awesome, brilliant, hard, challenging, disappointing, painful?   Which do you wish to end 2018 with? The pains or the gains? Well, I choose the gains and the blessings because only the LIVING celebrates. Therefore I choose to count my blessings and thank God for everything that has led up to this second.

Whether it be the fact that you're alive, you're  here, you're  healthy, you're working, you're walking, you have a roof over your head, you have kids you have a family, your loved ones are alive,  you can see, talk, cry (add to the list too), find reason to always give gratitude and thanks to the Almighty. I hope you're aware many people can't do these things we unconsciously take for granted. Blessings don't have to be  just milestones or dreams that come to pass, but little things that make the difference in our lives!

Release yourself from that anger or depression and be grateful. Get ready for 2019. Not  necessarily New Year resolutions, but hey, if it works for you please go ahead.

Reflect on the ending year and learn from the mistakes. Don't crucify yourself. We can not come and go and kill ourselves.

lol...

Rejoice and be grateful for another year to get things right and properly done!

Rise and shine! Enjoy the season and have fun!

Here are some jewelries to inspire you and kill that outfit. Available for order. Customized as well if you want!

 Remember, you have blessings that money can't buy! Be encouraged and drop a word below!

Blessings!

I MAY HAVE…

When you are faced with life challenges and battles, when you are overwhelmed and depressed, always remember this..

I may have been hurt

But I do get healed by Him

I may have been bitter

But I do get sweetened by Him

I may have been angered

But I do get comforted by Him

I may have been tempted

But I do get delivered by Him

I may have been attacked

But I do get defended by Him

I may have faced battles

But I do get victories through Him

I may have been treated cruelly

But I do get kindness from Him

I may have been forgotten

But I do get remembered by Him

I may have been hated

But I do get love from Him

I may have been punished

But I do get rewarded by Him

I may have been concealed

But I do get revealed by Him

I may have been empty

But I do get filled by Him

I may have been cursed

But I do get blessed by Him

I may have been condemned

But I do get praised by Him

I may not have answers to everything

But I do get answered by Him

Please share to encourage someone today

“We are troubled on every side, yet not depressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted but not forsaken, cast down but not destroyed”- 2^nd Cor. 4:8-9

“Many of the great achievements of the world were accomplished by tired and discouraged men who kept on working”- Unknown

                             

                                                Linda  Aliogo

LIFE

Life is like a journey. As you travel further,you get older, you become wiser, stronger and experienced. This is how the journey begins anywhere…

As a Baby

I learned to sit

I learned to walk

Life was simple

As a Toddler

I learned to talk

I learned  to run

I learned to share

Life was easy

As a Child

I learned to feed

I learned to bath

I learned to dress

Life was fun

As a Teenager

I learned I was no longer a baby

I learned I was no longer a child

I learned to accept the body changes

I learned to accept rules

Life was Different

As an Adult

I learned I was no longer an adolescent

I learned to make decisions

I learned to accept my experiences

I learned to accept my pains

Life is Complicated

Life is in stages

At every stage

I remain grateful to HIM

And always thank HIM

For this precious gift

Please tell a friend about this blog.

Thanks.

"The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even forever more"- Ps. 121:8

"A life spent making mistakes is not only more honourable but more useful than life spent doing nothing"- George Bernard Shaw

                                   Linda Aliogo

The Pendulum

The world like a pendulum is never constant but always oscillating from negative to positive and vice -versa. This underlies the wisdom of GOD Who did not make day without night, good without evil, sun without rain, life without death, rich without poor, high without low, Jews without Gentiles.


Indeed, HE made everything in pairs even in the powers that rule the world, there is GOD and Satan! This truism indicates that GOD also did not create joy without sadness.


As you savour the joy that new year 2012 brings, I urge you to reach out to the other majority persons at the other reality of divide ordained by creation and share in their situation. This is important as no condition is constant like the Pendulum swings, and can indeed swing either ways for every person.


I wish you and your family and loved ones a happy new year! and indeed new life and thinking about the Pendulum!


"To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens" -Eccl. 3:1


"The purpose of life is the expansion of happiness" -Uknown
                                         


                                 
                                          Linda Aliogo