Then, the issues start creeping out from the closets one
after the other!
Now let’s start talking.
#1
Why
do I need to keep the bedroom tidy ALL THE TIME? How about HIM? You try to
arrange the bedroom like when you where single (clean).
then, like a flash, he is back, the shoes are
in the sitting room, the briefcase is on the bed, the clothes are scattered
everywhere in the room!
Just
like yesterday, last week or even last month! You remind him that you just
finished arranging the room… He says sorry and still leave the clothes and the shoes there!
Solution
and Managing Strategy
Most men generally are not good with housekeeping. This
is a fact you must bitterly accept if you do not want to run high blood
pressure. ACCEPT this, and learn to manage by taking it as part of the marriage
life and lesson.
You can tell him about it, trust me, it would just be a
matter of time, it would repeat again. This goes with the toilet seats, car
keys, handsets, wallets, documents…
#2
Why should I prepare his meals when we have a cook, house
help? What is the big deal in cooking or serving his meals? After all, you are
equally spent and tired like him after the office hours. You get home late and
leave home early too like him!
Solution
and Managing Strategy
He may understand at the beginning of the marriage.
however, if it becomes the norm in the home ( depending the type of husband), he may complain, stop
eating at home, start keeping longer hours outside or just remain silent!
You should read the signs! It means either he is missing
that part of you or he is not!
If you hear the complains, then that is good for you, it
means you need to change your position before it gets out of hands but if you
do not, then…
He relates to the house help more about his upkeep than
yourself. Then why are you there in the first place! If he continues to get all
he needs from the house help, then he doesn’t miss your absence from home!
This development may not mean anything to you but trust
me, if you do not wage in, it can escalate into something you may not like.
No matter how busy, as a wife, create time to cook and
serve your husband personally!
Prepare his favourite meals and freeze if you do
not have time to cook often. Serve his meals as regular as possible. If you do
have a cook, try to supervise and see that things are done properly.
I
t may or may not be perfect, let him see your effort and
interest. He does notice and yes, it does matters!
#3
Why should I be a housewife? I am a graduate so, why
should I stay at home and not work?
In your university days, you must have ‘built’ your dream
home, job, husband… we all did and still do.
You have achieved all except working!
Simple, he doesn’t want you to work! He prefers you
to be at home to take care of the kids and of course him!
Solution
and Managing Strategy
The first way to manage this is to settle down in your
home and enjoy it…enjoy it? You may ask?
Yes , I said enjoy it. If you do have kids, take care of
them properly. Attend to your husband needs. If you do satisfy all these then,
you can bring up the issue of working again.
Tell him why you need to work, let him understand it
isn’t the money rather, the fulfillment. How it would make you feel
accomplished and happy! Let him understand that you would be happier and this
would rub off positively on him and the kids..the entire family!
Let him know when you feel better about yourself, you can
equally perform better in your duties as wife and mother.
Plead with him and do make sure you have a plan on what
to embark on. Be patient and pray about it.
#4
You have added some weight and have unsuccessfully tried
to lose it. Why should he be complaining? After all, both of you are in the
same boat. He is even heavier than you, so why is he talking?
Solution
and Management Strategy
Over time, with children, you tend to add weight. You
have bulges here and there, you may have been a size 6 or 8 before having kids
but now, you are a size 16.
This may not be peculiar to only you but also your
husband has changed and gained weight!
So why is he complaining you may wonder!
You may justify your weight gain… yes, having
children. Does it mean you do not care
about what he says or thinks?
The TRUTH is YOU are not happy with your look! You do
wish to look the way you did before having kids! You know what he is saying is
true but do not want to accept it! You are trying to justify….nothing!
Do not give reasons or excuses. Its either you want to
lose weight for yourself and feel better about how you feel or not! You may
also have noticed the health issues creeping in due to the weight gain.
If you make genuine effort and do it for yourself, I bet
your husband would be motivated and come around to join you!
Love yourself to leave a healthy life. Its possible. Do
not wallow in self pity and senseless arguments (jealous) with your husband
when he looks at a slimmer woman rather,
get to work and regain your confidence!
#5
Why should I have my in-laws around? Do I have to be nice
to them? Why should I care?
Solution
and Managing Strategy
Remember the day you took your vows, you promised to
adhere? Marriage does not revolve around
you and your husband (in the african context). You are married entirely to the
whole family!
“Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what
belongs to God” You must have heard about this Biblical quotation as it is
applicable to this situation. Give to them what is due with all honest and
leave the rest to God.
Truly make genuine effort to accept your husband’s family
and I believe it would be reciprocal ( even if it’s not reciprocal, just do
your part). I do agree there maybe occasions when this suggestion backfires but
if you do not try, how would you know?
Give room for your mother-in-law as appropriate. It is
difficult for some mothers to let go off their sons. They feel like they have
lost their sons forever. You may not understand this feelings until you have
children. Be patient with them.
Liase with a couple who have been successfully married
for many years and let them give words of advice as time goes on.
Pray for difficult in-laws and relatives and learn to
take your stand when necessary. You need a lot of wisdom and understanding
here.
#6
We are rich and comfortable. We can afford the latest
car, so why not? Why can’t we travel abroad for vacation? We can afford it now!
You do not understand why he should invest now.
You have been looking forward
to a trip abroad, you have discussed it and agreed it would be your next
investment, then now…
The opportunity pops up, he says he would rather invest
the money than travel abroad! You do want a new car, he would rather invest on
land or property!
It sounds ridiculous! And you do not understand or rather
would not understand!
Solution
and Managing Strategy
Relax! Chill! Cool down!
Do you want to cry your eyes out? Do you want to shout
down the roofs? Do you want to keep malice till God-know-when? Or do you want
to fight?
R.E.L.A.X.!!!
Ok?
There is a way out. Calm down. Take some time off from
this discussion. Focus on other things. Do not bring up this until you are
totally calm.
Seat down and reflect….seriously on his stand. Is he
right? What are the reasons? Are they really for the benefits of the
family? Which is more important now,
luxury or investment?
Be honest with yourself about the answers you come up
with. However, if you do not still have answers, then ask him calmly and listen
patiently to his answers.
Whatever, the outcome, put it in prayers.
#7
Why should I not keep so many friends like I want and
hang out with them when and how I like? Why should I always ask or discuss
before I do things?
You have always taken decisions until you got married
(excellent decisions anyway). You got out and visit as you like. You hang out
with friends anytime.
Now you are asked to consult, discuss your decisions. You
do not want to take ‘permission’ after all you are an adult, right?
Solution
and Managing Strategy
You are married now and no longer single! There’s a huge
difference. You have a partner and you must be considerate in your actions now.
Let him know what you want to do, carry him along and
inform of your thoughts before they become decisions. He would also carry you
along. Learn to listen to what he has to say.
Mind your social activities, as things have changed. Know
there are many sheep in wolves skin or clothing. It’s not all your friends that
are happy for you or your married status. Be wise and pick your friends from
now.
Really listen to him and try to balance things.
Thanks for reading (quite long, I know).
Give out beautiful jewelries to your loved ones today.
Kindly check out my website.
“A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes
together. It’s when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences”
–Dave Meurer
“Let all
bitterness, wrath,and anger and evil speaking be put away from you, with
all malice. And ye be kind to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you”-Eph. 4:31-32
“
Linda Aliogo
why should somebody make my meal or clean up after me, i thought marriage should be an equal partnership. Say you make the meal to last for two weeks in the refrigerator, i see no reason why i can't microwave and serve my self. if i can't clean, the list i should do is endevour not to mess up the house. and above all, i should be able to keep my friends and hang out as much as i can only in this case with my wife.i think women should not be very subservient in a relationship, they can still do many things without reducing or diminishing their self concept. Because i think your self concept is your identity, loose and you loose yourself.
ReplyDeleteSome marriages are very traditional while others are liberal, you cannot choose one over the other as long as the couples can sort out their differences. Those who are in a liberal marriage that is working for them should continue while those that are in a traditional marriage and happy should by no means continue.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I do agree with you that wives should follow their dreams and find fulfillment in whatever they choose to do.
Thanks once again!