Monday 11 July 2011

Why Your Teenager Has to Wait Before Dating

Entering the teenage years can be a roller coaster for both mother and daughter. There are a lot of emotions and misunderstanding.

The mother is trying to explain the basis of dating and why it’s important to wait up to certain age before getting involved with anybody. The daughter on the other hand, is trying to be independent, believing she is old and ‘wise’ to make decisions concerning dating and relationships.

A teenager is anybody between the age brackets of 13 to 19 years hence, the ‘teen’ attached to these age bracket. She is either in secondary school or in the university.

Teenage years are discovery years where your girl is trying to understand the changes in her body, the emotional outbursts, the confusions that come in trying to express herself. The fears, the questions, the pressure, from friends and age mates.

For instance, a girl in secondary school would be distracted because of the reasons mentioned earlier. She is trying to find her identity and learning to be comfortable in her growing body. This is the time she begins to get attracted to the opposite sex. Usually, this attraction is short-lived before getting interested in another. This is the period of infatuation and is perfectly normal.

The school work is also becoming more hectic, more homework and more chores at home.
The spiritual aspect comes in when she is trying to discern what is ‘wrong’ or ‘right’ in the eyes of God and man. Trying to understand her conscience and beginning to either draw closer to God or alter abandonment of that aspect just because she cannot afford to handle or deal with the floods of thoughts going through her head.

If all these sound familiar and her exhibited by your daughter, then she should be made to understand why she must wait. This is simply because she has to get more matured. She has to listen to you and those she considers as role models particularly when there should always be an enduring objective to be achieved in every relationship.

As a teenage girl, she needs to do her research and be able to understand why she has to date and also know how to define boundaries in every relationship guided by the reason to preserve her personal integrity. The need to allow herself to understand the qualities she likes in the other person which she must always look out for to avoid the chances of rape, teenage pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections and diseases. All these can be better handled when she is older and more informed on dating and relationships.

Putting an age as the appropriate time is very hard. As you know people get matured differently due to many reasons. Therefore it would be more appropriate to use other yardsticks other than age.  For instance, has she entered the university, does she act matured, Is she well informed about sex and sexuality, her future plans, does she consult you in her decisions, do you knowing her friends?

This is not the time both of you are best of friends, however with constant communication ; issues can be discussed and straightened out. Always pray for your daughter for the right person from now and when she eventually starts dating. This is equally applicable to our teenage boys.
I hope it was fulfilling, If so, please let me know.

Thank you for your time.

“Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise- Prov 19: 20”

“He that won’t be counseled can’t be helped- Benjamin Franklin”
                      Linda Aliogo


  1. Kingsley Obiora27 July 2011 at 17:13

    As a father of a three-year old daughter, I found this post very instructive, inspiring, and practical. I know my daughter is still some way from being a teenager but I'm already preparing gradually for those years! Thanks a lot for sharing these thoughts. And I look forward to more :-)

  2. Thanks I'm glad that it was inspiring to you. I also totally agree that the earlier you prepare, the better!

  3. Thank you for tagging me in this post. I found it very beneficial & inspiring!

  4. You welcome. Glad it was inspiring. Just because everyone is doing the wrong thing doesn't make it right. Keep your head high and wait for the right time.


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